Do adult offenders against children actually choose to engage in the behaviours that end up causing children psychological and sometimes physical harm?

March 14, 2013 11:19 am ,

Yes. Only a very small percentage are intellectually impaired, brain-damaged, or affected by a severe mental illness.

The majority of offenders are best understood as poor problem-solvers motivated by the desire to achieve short-term respite from emotional upsets and privations of childhood origins, which are mostly conscious, but sometimes not.

Most offenders are responsible for choosing the strategies they use for coping with pain and upset of childhood origins, although their decisions can be influenced by a desire to reduce recent stress that they may find intolerable.  Heavy pain burdens of childhood origins, particularly if not properly recognised (or are unconscious), increase the desire to fix things up haphazardly or quickly. That can result in a reduced capacity for discerning the most appropriate problem-solving solution to be adopted. So improved awareness of childhood acquired tensions and disappointments, separated from the current life events that bring them to light, is important for prevention.

Prevention at this level requires the development of self-understanding and positive coping skills in adults who might otherwise react by trying to gratify unmet childhood needs for reassurance, companionship and love by offending sexually against a child.

Posted in: Do adult offenders against children actually choose to engage in the behaviours that end up causing children psychological and sometimes physical harm?

Do some abusers become chronic offenders against children, and even try to suggest they were being helpful to the victims?

March 14, 2013 11:17 am ,

Yes, to both questions.

Inner disquiet and feelings of guilt in an offender can be lessened by mental gymnastics that include justifications, distortions or denial.

Furthermore, the achievement of sexual pleasure through behaviours that harm others can be habit-forming. Most vices (bad habits that are harmful) that people can acquire have a capacity to transform pain or tension into pleasure, and that is why they are used. (We can include here drug and alcohol abuse, gambling, and sexual and other compulsions: they recur through their efficacy in bringing a positive feeling state, or a less upsetting negative feeling state, into awareness). In a number of cases, the original childhood pain has become largely unconscious in the course of time, except that the individual resorts to acting-out as soon as they start to feel inner tensions that remind them of their internal pains (unmet needs) of childhood origins.

And, some abusers distort their perceptions and beliefs as a means of feeling more settled internally: they engage in negative distorted thinking to justify their actions after the fact. Sometimes such distortions help them to justify future offending when fantasies about re-offending come into mind as pleasurable anticipations.

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Are former childhood victims who become perpetrators at risk of manifesting distorted thinking and justifications?

March 14, 2013 11:16 am ,

Yes. And many members of the community who express extreme hatred also manifest distortions in thinking, arising from their own histories of upset, pain or loss. So, recurring problems in the human condition are manifestations of the same basic processes associated with how people try to deal with psychological pain.

 

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Does shame prevent a repetition of abusive behaviour?

March 14, 2013 11:15 am ,

Not necessarily. Some offenders do stop by making a commitment to not repeat their actions, and sticking to it. Other abusers report agonising over their shame, but they later repeat the abuse. The problem with sexual offending is that when it occurs in response to upset feelings, and the pleasure experienced alleviates those negative feelings, a pattern can be established in memory. That is, positive anticipatory fantasies can come into mind again in the future when upset, together with the “mental solution” of having sexual contact with a child, which can promote reoffending. At that point, the shame is out of sight and out of mind. It doesn’t help.

 

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Are women abusers much different from men?

March 14, 2013 11:15 am ,

We know that male abusers far outnumber women in cases of reported abuse, but the research that exists suggests that women engage in the sexual abuse of children for much the same reasons as men, and have similar childhood histories of abandonment, abuse, and unmet needs for affection and nurturance.

 

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What increases the risk of abuse recurring?

March 14, 2013 11:14 am ,
  • Affectional deprivation in childhood, and other negative experiences.
  • Masturbating to fantasies of abuse.
  • Offending has occurred many times and was not detected.
  • Not accepting that child sexual abuse causes psychological harm, such as by having distorted beliefs that the adult was “teaching” or “training” the child sexually to help their development.
  • Involvement with pornography.
  • Failure to accept personal responsibility.
  • Being a childhood victim oneself.
  • Distorted attitudes, such as arise from the Internet or other offenders, that suggests that because children have sexual feelings, sexual activity when they are young does not cause psychological damage to them. These falsehoods should never be entertained.
  • Offenders or prospective offenders being too ashamed or too scared to ask for help.
  • Confusing sexual feelings with affection and love. (This can occur if a child who missed out on affection as a child was either abused in childhood, or engaged in sexual activity at a young age. The confusion (or contamination) of affection and sexuality is a major contributor to childhood victims becoming abusers).
  • Intoxication.
Posted in: What increases the risk of abuse recurring?

What reduces the risk of abuse recurring?

March 14, 2013 11:13 am ,
  • Recognising that abusive behaviour is wrong, and taking action by seeking professional help.
  • Learning to identify one’s emotional needs and developing better communication and coping skills for dealing with life stresses and setbacks.
  • Support and understanding from the community that those who abuse children deserve help with their problems. This provides encouragement and hope, and reduces the stigma that existed in the past, and drove may people into denial through fear and shame.
  • Detection of the abuse, or its precursors, as well as the acknowledgement of the offending behaviour, and acting on that by participating in treatment.
  • Recognising risk factors, and taking steps to overcome them.
  • Education that helps prospective perpetrators identify their emotional problems, history of vulnerability, and their coping style before they offend.
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What discourages people who are at risk of offending, or have abused a child, from seeking help?

March 14, 2013 11:09 am ,
  • Being afraid or ashamed.
  • Not feeling good about oneself; self-hatred.
  • Thinking you are beyond help, or not knowing where to go for help.
  • Thinking you have to sort this problem out on your own, but not knowing how to do it, which keeps you stuck.
  • Various kinds of pessimistic thinking.
  • Lack of understanding from the community, and a lack of encouragement to seek help.
  • Debasing and de-humanising portrayal of offenders by the media which feeds the cycle of violence through scapegoating and driving offenders underground from fear.
Posted in: What discourages people who are at risk of offending, or have abused a child, from seeking help?

What can you say to someone who feels discouraged, ashamed or pessimistic because of what they may have done or experienced in the past?

March 14, 2013 11:07 am ,

“You are a valuable human being”. Expressing self-contempt does not help anybody, or change or improve anything.  You may have made mistakes, or solved personal problems badly. You are not alone. You deserve support and understanding, and help from professionals in the community who are ready and willing to help you in your journey of self-improvement. Life can be a journey of learning from our mistakes, and developing better qualities as human beings. With awareness, a commitment, and some guidance we can make the future better than the past. Accepting personal responsibility is part of that process of growth and self-improvement. That means not hiding from the consequences of our actions. Taking positive action by contacting a helper is an important first step towards a better long-term future.

 

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Where does punishment come in?

March 14, 2013 11:07 am ,

Destructive behaviours, such as child sex abuse, that can create long-term suffering, is not to be condoned. However, the historical record suggests that negative sanctions, on their own, are not effective in improving the human frailty that underpins destructive behaviours. The wounded human heart, which participates in perpetuating the intergenerational cycle of violence from victim to perpetrator, requires healing.

 

Experience shows that people grow out of a position of strength that comes from healing emotional wounds, from accepting personal responsibility for one’s choices, and from developing self-understanding and coping skills – not the effects of fear or pain, or ostracism.

Posted in: Where does punishment come in?